I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
