There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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