I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
