And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
