I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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