I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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