Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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