How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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