Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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