I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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