BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
