Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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