I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
