how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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