Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
