My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
