someone threw a dead crab at me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
