ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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