I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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