Porn is love you can see.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
