He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize