yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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