I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
