the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
