Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
