Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
