You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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