well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
