Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
