someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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