Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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