Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
