you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
