Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
