she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
