Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
