This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
