I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
