he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
