You smell like a Billy Joel song
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
