Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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