My underwear smells like fireworks.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
