That's intense
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
