just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
