She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
