he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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