I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
