so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
