Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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