All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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