There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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