the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
