the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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