the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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