Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
