I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize