ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
