omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
