so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize