You're completely useless in the revolution.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
